So basically all I can remember is that I skipped worked to go and skateboard at a local indoor pool with a guy from my middle school that had randomly appeared. (Don’t question the skateboarding inside a pool, I’m not sure about it either, but in my dream it was a big deal and I was good at it). Anyways, I ended up seeing Sebastien at the other end of the pool and I freak out because I know he is going to send me home. And of course he sees me but then I turn around and everyone in the Terrebonne group is at the pool skateboarding in it too. Except I’m the only one being sent home. So then Sebastien tells me I need to tell my host parents and it makes me flip out because I know they’ll be disappointed in me but then Seb says I still get 2,000$ for working even though I’m being sent home. So I’m only freaking out about telling my host parents but then I wake up before I do.
WHAT IS MY BRAIN?
My head’s been a mess lately. I’m not sure how to explain it but I can feel my depression tugging at my soul and whispering me back into its embrace. Which is in fact everything I’m striving to avoid, at all costs possible. I don’t want to let the depression envelope me even though its voice is so nostalgic and comforting but just because I’m used to it doesn’t mean it’s healthy for me. I’m trying so hard to keep my arms away from it’s reach but it’s so hard. And it’s not helping that I feel completely unwelcome from the other girls here with me, save for Siling and April. I feel so isolated and so entirely different from them that it makes them shy away from me. I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb, amongst them and even amongst my coworkers. I’m unsure how to shake this shadow hanging onto my self esteem but I don’t want it anymore. I’m so unsure of anything and everything right now and I don’t even know. I’m trying to push myself simply so I don’t sink into a depression again though I feel as if I just welcomed it for a few days I’d feel better, but if I did it wouldn’t leave again. I’m even putting doubts on my relationship with my girlfriend and its scaring me. Things are just so I don’t even know. I’m so worried I might fuck every effort I’ve made and buy a pack of smokes and new xacto knife refills. Which is never a good thing. I’m not sure what I need to get back to where I was when this trip started. But I feel like no one wold really be interested if I tried explaining my deep rooted mental battle between habit and healthy.
I’m calling everyone at camp on here by there camp names
Apollo downloaded the Brave soundtrack simply because of me
And then started playing the soundtrack today
I thought it was sweet :3
He’s the awesome guy who drives me to work
Tomorrow we’re getting Timmies before work!
Tonight I went out to dinner with everyone and it was soooo amazing
The people I work with are amazing!
And the food! I dedicate Quebec as perfect
I ate at a place called “Buffet of the Continents” and it was exactly that. Imagine all that gloriousness!
Greek food, chinese food, sushi, american food everything you would want :3
Also the kids love me
all kids love me automatically
I don’t know why.